I’m headed to Seattle this weekend, visiting a friend and checking out the Seeds of Compassion conference where appearances will be made by both Dave Matthews and the Dalai Lama. Simultaneously. Having a “conversation.” Take a few seconds to envision that.
Got it? Good.
It’s going to be a) amazing, b) hilarious, or c) both. Especially with what’s been going on recently with regards to Tibet and China, I’m sure I’ll have some good posting material upon my return.
To occupy your end-of-week and weekend thoughts, I wanted to pose an open-ended question and let you comment away with your thoughts and feelings. So, as the French say, “on y va.” Let’s go.
Many readers of this blog are in a similar place in their lives as me and Taylor. We’re recently graduated (though we’re approaching the one year mark — yikes!) and neophytes at a lot of grown-up things: working full-time, doing our own taxes, paying rent, etc. Others among you are a little further along and have years, if not decades, between you and your first days of freedom from academia.
Either way, I feel confident in predicting that since, say, the day you graduated from college and now, things haven’t gone exactly the way you’ve expected or hoped. You didn’t get that job you really wanted. You ended up in a city you never thought you’d end up in. You lost touch with friends more quickly than you had expected.
Or, on the plus side, you made tons of new friends in your new job and town really quickly. You fell in love with a job you thought would be temporary, and want to make it your career. You won the lottery. Good or bad, small or big, something up and disrupted your grand post-grad plans (try saying that ten times fast).
Enough with the examples, it’s time for you to speak up! Holla back with the changes you’ve experienced in your plans and dreams, for better or worse.
Image used under a Creative Commons license courtesy of Flickr user Shannon K.
After graduating, I moved to a town I likely would not have otherwise ended up in. I came here for a unique job opportunity. The job has been worth it, but I’ve learned that place matters more than I thought it would. I’m far from friends, and working in a small office means that I’m not connected to a natural network of other “young professionals” who share similar interests and experiences. I’m making the most of it–and I’ll only be here for one more year–but place matters, and location will certainly be a large part of my future career decisions.
I didn’t expect to marry the guy I’m married to. We knew each other in college and dated for three weeks, but if you would have listed every guy I’ve ever met, I would have put him near the bottom of the pile as a probable marriage candidate. We were the exact opposites. I was serious and career oriented and he and his friends built a ten foot tall snow penis - enough said.
The summer two years after I graduated - after I had mellowed and he had become more serious - we reconnected online, began dating and one year later got married. It moved me to a very very small town, literally in the middle of a cornfield. Not what I expected, but I wouldn’t change it for the world!
I think one of the most difficult lessons a person can learn is that there is a world of difference between feeling close to someone and being close to someone, even though mistaking the latter for the former is distressingly easy. I suspect a lot of people absorb this–or feel the disorienting implications of this, at least–soon after college, and the conjunction of the shock and the miscues attendant to navigating a new social environment can be a bit too much.
That said, someone who feels connected to other people all the time is missing out on a key component in the development of a mature person–the comprehension of what it means to be an outsider. Compassion requires imagination, and being lonely, sad, and even depressed can make us all better people if we are willing to take away the right lessons from our alienation.
Jarred, have you read Claire Messud’s book The Emperor’s Children? I think you’d really enjoy it. It explores these themes with uncanny precision and admirable compassion. Messud puts into words what most of us can only inarticulately gesture towards.
As for me, there was not much of a plan come graduation. I had decided sort of last minute to move here to D.C. and that I knew I was interested in paralegal work, but beyond that I didn’t know much. I knew I’d have a few friends around, but didn’t realize I’d have a small commune of close college buddies to hang out with. That was a welcome change.
One thing I really didn’t expect was to miss college this much. Even though my experience is socially closer to a fifth year of college than many other people’s, I didn’t expect to miss research, writing, listening to interesting lectures by brilliant professors, and other facets of the undergrad academic life. Call me a nerd, I don’t care! Writing for Tropophilia has helped slow down the intellectual implosion, but I really can’t wait to get back to school and do some more hardcore learning.
Weird.
I certainly agree with Taylor that place matters more than I thought that it would. Chicago has been great for me and if I were given the chance to do it over again, I’d move here in a heartbeat. That said, developing a community has been far more challenging than I imagined it would be, and it’s been hard to accept the fact that I won’t make 10 new best friends overnight…or in the first 8 months.
The other thing that has surprised me–and had you told me a year ago that I’d ever say this, I would have laughed in your face–is that I really enjoy working in the for-profit world. I always thought that I’d spend my life working with non-profits, and while I definitely don’t rule that out, I think it will be awhile before I head in that direction.
Right now, I like the fact that I have a clear separation between work and home life, that any issues and stressed from my job don’t carry over into my life outside of work. No, my job doesn’t have as much meaning as I would like, and no, I don’t see myself working there for the next 10 years. For now, though, I like knowing that service can be something I do outside of my job, and that there’s more than one way to be involved in those issues.
Laura, great thoughts and thanks for commenting! We need to get Patricia on here with her thoughts…
Ashish, I haven’t read that book (I didn’t see your comment until after I had posted before, apparently). I will check it out.
Here I am! Commenting for my first time…
Let’s see–what do I think is different than I expected? Honestly, that is a hard thing to say since all that I wanted after graduating was difference. I wanted to get away from a wonderful school that I believe defined me more than I might have liked, I wanted to get away from voices telling me to go to seminary, I wanted to see new things and be with new people.
So, here I am in the great Pacific Northwest (I think that Jarred would agree with me after this weekend)! Since I really had no idea what to expect, I can’t say that anything is different than I thought. I suppose what has changed more than anything is the reason that I came out here: I originally thought that I would be discerning whether or not I was called to seminary/divinity school, yet I have realized that this year has been much more about learning to care for myself and my soul, something that I didn’t do very well in college.
I have also developed a keen interest in food security/justice issues, and I am really excited about exploring a career in that field. (Does that mean I am not going to seminary–I have no idea!!!) I live in community with others participating in the same volunteer service program, and I feel that they are my family here–I don’t know that I expected us to be so close. I know and love the city of Seattle, which I wouldn’t have believed would happen a few years ago. I have been in/am in the weddings of four friends, which is a great honor that I couldn’t have imagined having. I myself am moving back east due in strong part to how much I care for the person whom I am dating, and that definitely surprises me sometimes. All in all, I have been surprised at how I have come to love this place that is so far from my home, family, and loved ones. But, I have also learned that my love for this place isn’t ultimately sustaining without people that I love and who love me around me as well. That was a lesson that I could only learn, though, by getting away and experiencing something different–a decision for which I will always be grateful.
Patricia, you’ve set a high bar with your first comment…guess you’ll have to keep commenting! Thanks for chiming in with your thoughtful reaction.