Welcome to a new weekly feature I’m calling “Questioning Things.” The first thing we’ll be questioning is the name of this feature. It’s the best I’ve got, but it’s kind of lame. ANYWAY.
Jarred and I feel like our readers are far more interesting than we are…and we want to hear your stories. So this is your turn: I’ll ask a few (hopefully provocative) questions, you’ll answer in the comments, and we’ll revel in our collective cleverness/hilarity/soul searching.
- What would it take for you to agree to watch two more minutes of commercials per hour of television (1 extra minute for a half-hour show)? Would it make a difference if every commercial caused you to laugh out loud? If every ad was personally targeted at your tastes and lifestyle?
- What line/phrase from a television show or movie do you use in real life? Is it common enough that people recognize the origin, or so obscure that it sounds to most people like your original phrase?
- If you could work a past summer job, but full-time and at your present salary, which job would you pick?
- Is there a musical instrument that–even with unlimited lessons–you don’t think you could master?
My answers after the break. Your answers in the comments (please?).
- If every ad made me laugh out loud, I would welcome extra commercials, but only during certain shows. Hilarious commercials during 24 would be a weird mood shift…plus I’d wonder what shenanigans Jack Bauer was up to in that extra 2 minutes.
- I sometimes say “bygones,” as in, “let bygones be bygones.” The only problem is that I stole it from Ally McBeal way back when. [As an aside, did I just admit watching Ally McBeal? Help me]. Few people recognize it, so I get a lot of weird looks. I also frequently quote from Wet Hot American Summer, which is the most under-appreciated comedy of all time. It’s a real shame that when I say “we gotta get that tape” most people have no idea what I’m talking about.
- I would go back to my days selling tickets and concessions at a movie theater. It would be a great job for blogging: work for 45 minutes, blog/read/relax for an hour. That job would be ultimately pretty unsatisfying as a career…but free movies and popcorn are powerful perks.
- I don’t think I could ever play the piano or organ with any kind of proficiency. My brain just doesn’t seem to work that way. I also doubt my ability to buzz my lips properly to play a didgeridoo.
Your turn!
1. I would watch an extra two minutes of commercials per hour if they met either of your conditions, but I imagine that strategy is a little hit or miss for advertisers since people are different in their senses of humor and tastes/interests. It would be interesting to see if some company (probably Google) could target ads to your interests based on your viewing — or even purchase — history. They could even base it on the YouTube videos you’ve watched to determine if you have a nerdy, outrageous, or completely random sense of humor.
2. Besides the few times I’ve been able to tell someone that I drink their milkshake, I don’t think I use any movie or TV lines on a regular basis. But I do know I’ve picked up some phrases from friends: “no worries” and “brutal” come to mind.
3. If I had to choose one, I guess it would be working as an intern at the Center for Strategic and Interational Studies. My first summer job wasn’t until college as a (wait for it) paralegal assistant, followed by CSIS, followed by being a research assistant. Nothing fun! (Note: I turned down working with Taylor at his movie theater to be a paralegal assistant. That was stupid.
4. I could neither master the Chapman Stick, nor this guy’s ability to create amazing music videos to accompany my said Chapman Stick mastery.
I submit “For Your Consideration” as a title.
1. If every ad were targeted at my lifestyle, it would stress me out–I’d be more likely to buy things, which wouldn’t be good. If ads were funnier, I’d dig that. More people falling down, please.
2. Everything I say is appropriated from somewhere else. Mostly from Buffy, but I go through phases of How I Met Your Mother quoting, too. The key to quoting things is to integrate them well–I quote Buffy but people probably don’t realize it half the time. Then again, Buffy is a bit obscure, maybe?
3. No. I worked at a Boys and Girls club summer camp. Tough though work might be, I don’t think I could go back to being on my feet, chasing down 7 year olds for 9 hours a day. And the field trips…!
4. Honestly? The guitar. Anything that doesn’t have set key patterns. Oh, or the trombone! That shit looks ridiculous.
1. Ads interest me. I would watch more ads. Sometimes I find myself channel surffing when nothing good is on just to watch the ads. Though please no more local ads - especially from furniture stores or used car lots.
2. I quote the Sandlot. “Your killin me Smalls.” “If you were thinkin, you wouldn’t have thought that.” “F-O-R-E-V-E-R.” People usually realize where those phrases are from.
3. My former summer jobs include working as a carhop, on the “Pansy Crew” of a landscaping team, and emergency room medical records for a hospital. I would repeat none of them……absolutely not! Although when I was working for the hospital sometimes they switched me to taking birth certificate information - now that was an interesting job from a social anthropology stand point. One woman literally tried to name her child “T9C”. I was sent back to her with the paperwork and the resonse - our system can’t take numbers. Thanks goodness - poor child.
4. I entered college as a music major and while that experience lead me to believe that anyone truly can master any instrument with enough practice (okay maybe not the didgeridoo) - there are none that I am patient enough to master.
@Rachel: I’m digging the title suggestion.
@ Jarred: Chap Stick is not a musical instrument. You put that stuff on your lips…maybe that explains your problem.
@Taylor: Gosh, you’re right. Maybe that dude’s Chap Stick was laced with some sort of hallucinogen to make him awesome at playing an imaginary instrument with psychadelic backdrops?
Jarred, “I drink your milkshake” is one of the greatest absurd/insane/hilarious movie quotations ever. Unfortunately, I think it will go largely unappreciated by people our age, many of whom probably still think Old School is the alpha and omega of quotable cinema.
Oh man Ashish, that’s just the beginning of the great lines I love from There Will Be Blood.
“You’re an ORPHAN! Bastard from a basket! Bastard from a basket!”
“I told you I was going to eat you!”
“I hate most people.”
And of course: “I’ve abandoned my child! I’ve abandoned my boy!”
Good times.