Need a back massager that doubles as a wine fridge? Look elsewhere, because Sharper Image is closing half of its stores “as soon as possible” and declaring bankruptcy.
The Washington Post featured a delightfully snarky article reflecting on the steady collapse of everyone’s favorite browse-but-don’t-buy shop:
“What are we losing? A world of luminescent safety leashes, hideaway gyms, telescoping ladders — an entire chain dedicated to the idea of streamlining your life by .002 percent. The Sharper Image is a place that sells a lighted nose-hair trimmer, which is to say it targets men who already own a regular nose hair trimmer in the hopes they’ll think it’s worth $40 to get a better look up their nostrils.”
I own a single Sharper Image product. Predictably, it’s a beard trimmer. I have no idea why I purchased it at Sharper Image versus…well…any other store at the mall. But I digress. The fact is, many trips into Sharper Image stores resulted in one (~$30) purchase. Apparently, I’m a typical customer.
I remember a time as a kid when wandering around a Sharper Image store was like looking through a one-way mirror into the lives of wealthy, slightly nerdy, impossibly cool folks. In essence: everything I wanted to be. WaPo:
“Once, a visit to the store seemed like a trip to the future’s very own showroom, or a museum exhibit called “What Is Next.” Brushed aluminum was the surface of choice, back when only very cool stuff had a brushed aluminum surface.”
The fact is, a brick-and-mortar store selling gadgets and cutting edge, almost-necessary, reinvented household objects just can’t compete with the unlimited frivolity and daily hourly new, wild concepts, designs, and products emerging online. You didn’t think I would talk about Sharper Image without mentioning gadget blogs (the next generation of the look-don’t-buy geek haven) did you? WaPo once more:
“It’s not just that the idea of the future as curated by the Sharper Image now seems hopelessly dated [. . .] It’s that the number of curators of the future has exploded. If you want to stoke your gadget lust, you head to Gizmodo or Engadget, two of roughly 74 million gadget blogs. Or you head to the Apple Store, or Circuit City.”
So RIP, Sharper Image. I know you’re not going away altogether, but I also know that you’ll never quite be back. In an age when I can browse the latest unnecessarily-gadgetized hair trimmers, grill accessories, or garden tools from the comfort of my easy chair (without built-in massaging capability…but I have to believe that gets old after a while), you’re just not necessary any more.
Image used under a Creative Commons license courtesy of Flickr user Major Nelson
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Don’t forget the singing Elvis head: http://www.sharperimage.com/us/en/catalog/product/sku__WW264
How will any of us manage without a place where we can listen to the singing decapitated robot head of the King of Rock and Roll?
You’re right, though–I’d say the Sharper Image fading into the background was probably a long time coming.
Man, the guy in the background of that picture is lovin’ him some massage chair.
Good thing I can still get my grilling tools with the golf club grips, and my lantern/radio/coffee machine/discoball/EMP generator (all powered by solar panels or a handcrank for those cloudy days) at Brookstone, the last physical bastion of high-end essentials.